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Jitters And Jerks; How To Handle Both

Mon, Dec 14, 2009

Dating

Those of us who use internet dating know its many advantages. Thousands of available singles, all at the touch of a mouse click await your inspection. Granted when that first in person meeting comes along you’re bound to be nervous, but hey, you’ve done this before, and you have your nerves firmly in hand. But what about your date?

The thing about someone being overly nervous is that it gets in the way of communication. Since a first date is all about getting to better know someone, it stands to reason that those nerves may put a damper on that. Your date may very well be excited about finally meeting you, but it’s obvious that he or she is finding the whole thing just a tad overwhelming.

Usually I approach this head on, in a kind and non critical way. Simply acknowledge that you understand their nervousness and admit that you feel the same way (even if you don’t, it’s kinder this way). Suggest to your date that you both put those feelings aside. Recommend that you both lighten up a bit and have some fun, then lead by example.

With any luck your date will follow your lead and you can get down to the business of dating. But what if your date doesn’t follow suit? Well, you can only do so much. You’re here to have fun not a therapy session. If your date remains cool, don’t be rude about it, but do plan on making it an early night. There’s one of two things happening here; he or she is always cool and reserved, or they just need more time to warm up.

Great, you both have your nerves under control and you’re actually talking like normal people. Unfortunately an hour into your date you’ve come to the conclusion that this guy or gal is not just a bit of a jerk, oh no, he or she is a TOTAL jerk. What do you do now?

You don’t get it: he’s such a good on paper guy, what with his job working with animals and his stories about his nieces and nephews who love him so much but then you meet in real life and wow, he’s kind of a jerk. Not necessarily to you or to his best friend or his mother or anything, but to random people, like waiters and valets. Suddenly the man who was so sweet and charming in his emails to you is snapping at a stranger for bumping into him in line.

These are the kind of things you just can’t predict. His or her annoyance may not be directed towards you, but their behavior is enough to raise red flags. There is always the possibility that sooner or later their anger is going to be direct at you. There are definitely some deeper issues here that this person needs to resolve.

As harsh as this may sound, dating someone like this is kind of like buying an already sick kitten. Though it’s true that all kittens may have problems at some point in the future, that shouldn’t stop you from casting your net and catching the one that appears to be the healthiest.

This post was developed by the staff of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can read hundreds more helpful dating posts. Get a totally unique version of this article from our article submission service

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